5 Things I Hate About Driving

by Reception Chronicles

I am one of the many people that commute back and forth to work every weekday and if you are like me, there are some things out on the road that just make you curse like a sailor or declare vengeance in certain situations which turns you more into a character like this fellow.

Every time I climb into the car going to the office or driving home, it is not long before I begin my werewolf transformation and dread what fresh hell is going to meet me on the crowded freeways and roads. So here it is: The 5 reasons why I hate driving.

1. The Double Dutch lane changer

This is an individual who cannot commit to one lane on the freeway. They weave in and out of lanes which must give the driver the sensation of making progress in slow traffic but instead it slows everyone else down letting you in. Pick a lane and stay in it.

2. Slugs in the Carpool

I sometimes have the advantage of having a passenger which makes me happier than I can describe. All I think of on the walk to the car and driving onto the traffic clogged freeway is tonight I get to fly by all of you suckers. As I weave my way to the carpool lane, I make my fast entrance and what do I face? The excruciatingly slow driver. I’ve been slapped with a do not pass go, do not collect $200. I must spend the drive home behind a car shaped turtle and have to glance in front of it to see endless open road in the lane. If you enjoy going slow, slide back into traffic. You will have the time of your life!!!

3. The Ass Kisser

The ass kisser is a special individual that drives so close to the back of your car, you’re waiting to hear a big smoooooooooch of a crack. They are the bully of the road but I do not fear you. I instead ease my foot ever so slowly off the gas and give you a better view of the back of my car. You get too close to the back of my car, all I gotta say to you is Pucker Up ; )

It should be noted: do not challenge an ass kisser too much or you could find yourself in quite a pickle.

4. The Funeral Marcher

I don’t mind pedestrians because at some points, I am one. What I do mind is the schmucks that take their precious time crossing the road (elderly, disabled, and mother’s with their children excluded). I’m talking to the moody teenager, the distracted day dreamers, etc. There is no need to run but there is also no need to drag your lazy ass feet across the street and shoot me a dirty look in the process. One day my dad summed it up perfectly. We were waiting at a light and this young teenager had his punk attitude and dragged his feet across the intersection. Finally when he passed, my dad rolled down the window and yelled out “Hurry up kid, you’re slowing down America!”

5. The Kamikaze Driver

The kamikaze driver is the one who either enters the freeway or is already driving in an outer lane on the freeway. Instead of going lane by lane to get across, they make one suicidal constant motion and free dive to the other side of the freeway. This is taken to the next level if an indicator is not operated during this maneuver.

Hopefully this small rant will make some people aware that there is a cure to the troubles of driving which is actually basic and simple…don’t drive like an asshole.

I cannot leave out the honorable mentions though: forgetting to turn your indicator off (sometimes for miles), the lane mergers that merge into traffic at the last possible second (it isn’t Jenga), the speed demon, the cut in drivers that drive close to the exit and cut into traffic waiting in line and many many more. Congratulations, you are all winners!

For now it is time to kick back, relax and look forward to this. Happy Driving Everyone!