The Reception Chronicles

So you want to save your marriage?

How to save your marriage?

Don’t.

I know that is harsh to hear and trust me I know it.  Not long ago, I was in your position.  My husband uttered those hurtful words “I love you, I’m just not in love with you.” Damn did that hurt to hear.  I felt my entire world come crashing down around me and I became a woman obsessed with winning her husband back.  I spent my days and nights searching for the answers online in hopes of finding the amazing way I can save my marriage.

 

screen-shot-2017-03-02-at-4-50-14-pm

photo credit: http://maricopalawyers.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/divorce.jpg

I came across an article that promised to show me what to do in this situation and when I started reading, it said to stop trying and end your marriage.  I sat there staring at the screen and remember all that came out of my mouth was ‘what a bitch!’ I crossed my arms and wrote this woman off as an insensitive moron who didn’t know what she was talking about.  I laugh now and think back to that woman because she was right.  Trust me you will not feel this way right after it happens and every word of advice someone gives you will fall on deaf ears. I tried marriage counseling but my husband refused to go. I hated when someone would tell me that it will get easier and it takes time.  All I could think of is what did I do wrong? how can I get him back? how can I save this?

A week passed and I was a ghost of a person. I lost around ten pounds, spent most of my days walking around in a bathrobe and would drug myself to sleep at night.  One day I thought I’m going to get all dressed up and invite my husband to dinner and not talk about the split.  Thats what every article said to do.  Just act like I’m not bothered about the split and my disinterest will make him come crawling back to me.  It’s the perfect plan, right? No, not at all. It was a disaster.  The dinner ended with me on my knees on the streets of Newport Beach sobbing uncontrollably and my husband staring down at me like a psychopath while people walking by stopped and pointed.  I knew that I had ruined everything and ended up dragging my sorry ass back to my parents house defeated.

Fast forward two weeks. There I was sitting in my bathrobe with my unwashed hair tied in a messy bun. Not one of those sexy messy buns that takes hours to create, it was one that looked like a bird decided to settle on top of my head and start a family nest.  I had lost nearly twenty five pounds at this point.  I was on non speaking terms with my husband and had to hold myself back from calling and texting all the time.  It was only a few hours until I needed to start getting ready for my company Christmas party but I didn’t want to go.  It was there in that moment I realized that I needed to do something.  I went on booking.com, reserved a room in Las Vegas, packed a bag and hit the road.  It was the only way I could think to clear my head and for the first time in a long time just have some fun.

Four hours later I arrived in Las Vegas and met up with my sister.  I put on the most sparkly dress and did my hair and makeup and didn’t recognize myself in the mirror.  She was beautiful and didn’t have a care in the world because she was here to have fun and not thinking of the disaster back home.  We grabbed our bags and went out and boy did we go out.  Looking back, I always mark this day as the day the old Ellie died and the new Ellie came to life.  Let’s fast forward to the next morning shall we.  When I woke up and looked over to see the handsome stranger sleeping next to me, I burst out laughing.  The stranger & I ended up taking a walk down the strip and stopped for breakfast where we told each other our life story. He told me about his job, friends and life back home and I told him about my divorce and the uncertainty of my new life ahead.  A few hours later, we said our goodbyes and parted ways.  To this day we are still friends on Facebook.  This person will never know it but I will always be thankful to them for that day.

I returned home a different person. For the first time in a month, I felt somewhat happy.  I started seeing clearly and saw that there were so many people around me that loved me.  I had an amazing family and awesome friends who helped me stand up again after such a bad fall.  I finally got it into my head that my marriage was over and it won’t be the end of the world.  In fact, it was the beginning of an amazing new life.

Now back to you.  The way I got to this point is I had to be honest with myself and look at the cold reality of the situation.  As Louis C.K once joked, “no good marriage has ever ended in divorce.”  That could not be more true. You will reach a point that you want to open your eyes and take a hard look at your marriage. The more honest you are with yourself, the more you will understand how this happened.  I look back at the end of my marriage and think what the hell I was thinking? I was MISERABLE!!!  I was married to a complete loser. He never told me that he loved me.  He never tried to build me up, he always knocked me down. He was more in love with drinking and getting wasted than spending time with me.  He always had a wandering eye and it made me never feel good about myself.  The question was no longer how could I have saved my marriage? It was now why the hell did I stay unhappily married for so long?  It has been over a year since the split and very recently divorced and I have to say it has been the best year of my life.  I am now in a loving relationship with an incredible man who tells me he loves me everyday and only has eyes for me.  My marriage just feels like a bad dream at this point that I can look back and think thank god I got out of that mess because I would never be as happy as I am now.

For those of you who are in pain and going through a split in your marriage, you are not alone. As much as you hate hearing this (oh man did I hate it), it will get better in time.  I leave you with this advice that is only based on my personal experience and I hope it will help guide you to becoming the new you.

  • It’s okay to be kind of crazy.  This is one time in your life that you can act like a crazy bitch.  I sat in the tub eating cheddar bunnies and would cry as loud as I could.  Who is going to tell you to stop? You are in pain and going through a tough time, wail and cry away.  It feels good
  • You will go through a roller coaster of emotions and its perfectly normal. I would be happy one minute then sobbing then incredibly angry then I would sit in silence exhausted.
  • Try not to obsess about what your husband is doing.  If it was like me, it won’t end well and will not make you feel any better.
  • Spend time with friends and family.  You have been so distracted trying to keep the image of a happy marriage, you forget about spending time with these people.  It’s amazing how a shitty spouse can make you not realize you have family and friends who love you.
  • Go shopping.  The divorce diet is a real thing and retail therapy will make you feel better.  I was down to my fighting weight and shopping made me feel confident and happy.
  • Pick up a hobby or throw yourself into your job.  It is an amazing distraction while you are healing from a break up.
  • Invest in a punching bag or sign up for kickboxing.  You will be amazed how much you feel better after going to town on a punching bag. When I was at work and frustrated with my divorce, I would go to the warehouse and have a few rounds on the punching bag. My problem would quickly disappear.
  • Have fun. Go dancing, take a vacation with some friends, do something! Once you get out there, the world will start to look much brighter.
  • Go on some dates. This isn’t to meet your new spouse. I signed up for Tinder with a friend and went on some pretty fun and extremely awful dates.  My friend and I would meet up and laugh about the terrible dates we went on and its some of the hardest laughing I have ever done.
  • Don’t go out with the intent to meet Mr/Mrs perfect.  You will be disappointed.  I met my boyfriend believe it or not on a Tinder Date.  We both signed up to just meet people and have fun.  We learned that we both had our hearts smashed around the same time and found solace in each other.  We now live together with our dog and can’t be more in love.
  • Try to see this as your new life. It’s your chance to start over and do things your way.  Life is so exciting and so short. Don’t waste your time hung up on your spouse who doesn’t want to be with you.  Why would you want to stay with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?
  • Stay positive. It can be so hard but it will save your life.

I know it hurts and you think I’m a terrible person telling you to move on.  Not long ago, I was in your seat.  It will get better and I cannot wait for you to find happiness.  It’s okay to dwell and be sad and of course take your time but take comfort in the fact that the best times of your life are ahead of you. I promise.

Weddings For Dummies

It is often said that every little girl dreams of their fairy tale wedding.  I don’t know if I was born without this gene or if I missed the dream wedding seminar for girls in Kindergarten because I have no idea what it takes to plan a wedding or notice the intricate details that goes into this day.

From what I have seen of weddings from TLC, movies and from my personal life, there are many things that don’t make sense or make me cringe beyond reason.  The tears, the sappy vows, the uncomfortably posed pictures of a bride and groom draped on the sand or hanging off a tree or staring off into space with a blue steel face, the selection of food, the flowers, themes, motifs…I am confusing myself just typing these wedding ideas.

Apparently my idea of a wedding has been described as a ‘hillbilly wedding’ from shocked family members and even the husband to be himself.  My ideal wedding is stock the bar full of top shelf booze, get Frank’s Philadelphia Steak and Cheese Subs to cater (seriously, who doesn’t like a steak and cheese hoagie?), have a good band and just party the night away.  No big cake, no crazy flowers and no sappy vows.  We are getting married so I don’t feel like I should compare my future husband to a sailboat and make some cheesy metaphor of him being the sails and being the wind beneath my wings…ugh.

I have been told by my frustrated fiance that it seems I would be perfectly happy getting hitched then going to T.G.I Fridays.  I like Fridays but not that much.  Also seeing the prices for everything and how it all adds up, it makes me extremely queasy and also makes me want to get into the wedding business.  These people must make bank!

At the end of the day, people love weddings.  There must be something rewarding or amazing about the whole process or else no one would have them so yes I will somehow manage to put this all together.  After seeing my niece in a flower girl dress, I can’t explain it but my wedding gene may have kicked in even though it is 23 years late. If everything goes wrong and it ends up going down in flames, I will just blame her for it all in 20 years I guess.

Only question is…where do I start?

Picture: http://www.perfect-wedding-day.com/fun-cake-designs.html

The Only Reason It Was Worth Watching The Golden Globes

In my opinion, he was the best dressed for the night.  Uggie, you are a star.

pictures and article credit: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2087295/Golden-Globes-2012-winners-The-Artist-sweeps-board.html

Growing Up In the 1990’s: The Best Toys

ggsource.com

POGS

I am not sure if there were strict rules to Pogs but at the end of the day whoever had the most, the coolest slammer and the craziest carrying tube was considered the coolest in the group.  The fun came crashing down when schools deemed Pogs as a form of gambling and just plain old sucked the fun out of life.  I never forgot the commercial because it was perfect for kids.  An epileptic extravaganza of flashing images and obvious subliminal messages that made us all jump up and down in ecstasy and in need of more Pogs immediately.

lainers-mansueto.blogspot.com

FURBYS

One of the creepiest addictive toys of the time.  They looked like spaced out gremlins and were somewhat fun until you realize all they do is constantly complain. Can’t sit in the dark, they would snore, start screaming if you spun it too fast and just overall never shut up.  I remember a time where me and my sister were in the backseat of the car and my dad went so crazy at the Furbys and their constant noises that he grabbed them and threw them in the trunk and then continued home.  Of course it didn’t solve anything because the sound of the Furbys filtered through and just freaked out about being in the dark and rolling around the trunk.  We put our parents through so much pain as kids.

toydepot.com

YO-YO’s

Yo-Yo’s made a fierce comeback in the 1990s.  They lit up, sold instructional books and videos on how to do tricks and a surge of competitions arose around the country.  I am guilty of buying an instructional video.  One attempt at an “around the world” combined with the thing slipping off my finger resulted in me not finding it.  The official end of my Yo Yo career.

amazon.com

N64 

In my opinion, this console ranks first.  It had great games, awkward remotes and game cartridges that you constantly had to blow into as a way to fix any problem with it.  The best game out of them all? Mario Party!  Even though it ended in fights, welts and blisters, it was worth it!

BEANIE BABYS

These seemed to be the biggest epidemic of toys in the 1990s.  It came to a point where your popularity was determined by the number of Beanie Babys you owned.  If you wrinkled, folded or ripped off the heart tag, you were shunned from society.  This prompted the selling of tag protectors and special casings for the precious bags of beans.  They went from being worth a fortune to absolutely nothing and to this day I know most of us have bags of Beanie Babys stacked somewhere in the attic hoping that one day these toys will make a comeback. Until then, we shower ourselves with regret and shame.

POLLY POCKET

Polly Pocket allows a kid to carry the doll and her home in a pocket sized case.  It is a travel scrabble version of dolls and even though it was a limited world within the Polly Pocket case, we never seemed to get bored of it.  The only downside is Polly would continuously plummet from her second story home into the garden or become lost in the real world.

GIGA PETS/ TAMAGOTCHI

These were handheld digital pets that could hang off a key chain or smuggle into the classroom.  Once again, they were banned from school due to the fact that the pets died so quickly without constant care and our pets well-being became priority to our education.  In the end, I still have to use a calculator for basic math so I don’t know what the fuss was all about.

danahentoff.wordpress.com

LISA FRANK

Stickers, binders, posters, notebooks and so much more.  They featured animals, rainbows and anything else you could imagine in bright colors.  I’m not sure if it was nerdy or cool to be decked out in Lisa Frank but oh well I did it anyway and probably would still today.

celebritybabies.people.com

KNEX

Knex came in a huge box full of rods and connectors that you could form into an architectural masterpiece.  You could make roller coasters, Ferris wheels, carousels, ball towers and so much more.  The common danger is if you connected it wrong or had some mistake in the track, it misfires a ball into the assemblers or an irritated mother who has asked you to move the contraption for days.  The nice thing about it was even if you didn’t finish it, you could always sucker your dad into “helping out” and letting him take on the project.

BOP IT

Bop it! Twist it! Pull it!….Awww. One of the most frustrating and intense toys of the decade.  The aim of the game is to follow the commands as fast as you can because any hesitation, wrong maneuver or if your like me your sweat covered hands slip, it ends with an awww.  The inner rage and insanity comes flying out of you if you get so far or nearly beat the high score so don’t stand close to anyone.

 

nihilismandcupcakes.com

MR. BUCKET

I have come to a realization that maybe kids are heavier today because the toys are so simple.  Everything is electronic and requires no movement while us kids in the 90s had to haul our butts around the room picking up plastic balls and throwing them into Mr Bucket.  We had to work for our title as winner even though most of the time I wanted to kick Mr Bucket out of frustration.

POKEMON CARDS

Their slogan was gotta catch em all and boy did we try.  I didn’t know how to play or what the cards meant but every other kid had them so I had to have them.  The only use they had in the end was propping up an uneven table leg.  In the end, it was not us that caught them all,  it was a smart marketing ploy that had us all.

We All Have At Least ONE Facebook Friend That Does This

Everyone has at least one Facebook friend who:

  • joins and likes an unhealthy amount of groups and pages such as “I wish I was born a penguin” or “sitting in a field and ripping up grass because there is nothing better to do.”
  • always leaves their Facebook logged in and is repeatedly fraped.  It is usually the same culprit every time because the jokes are never funny.
  • makes sure they are the first person to report the birth of a celebrity baby with a joke about the name, saying RIP to a high profile person they didn’t know, and breaks any major news story.  “7.0 earthquake hit this country, this many people injured. FIRST!”  Congratulations on being first to report bad news.
  • posts an ambiguous quote or lyric. it seems to reflect the mood of the person.  I imagine someone that posts “But I can’t believe that you’d ever care, and this is why you will never care – the smiths” is probably not having a fantastic day
  • constantly posts ‘i’m bored.’  this Debbie Downer helps no one, i am now bored reading this post.

credit: techland.time.com

  • the person only with updates about Farmville, Words with Friends and Bejeweled.  As if this isn’t bad enough, these junkies send everyone invites constantly in order to achieve more points in their game.
  • have no pictures of themselves, only of their kids
  • girls who write about when they will see their boyfriend, how much they love their boyfriend, posts pictures of their boyfriends, funny things their boyfriend said.  So I’m going to step out on a limb here and guess that you have a boyfriend…can’t be sure though so keep reminding me.
  • posts vague messages on their wall such as “I won’t tolerate this anymore!”  How do you respond to that? ‘Totally agree! You shouldn’t tolerate this…thing anymore!’  Let’s just hope they aren’t talking about homosexuality or referring to an anti puppy mill article.  Who looks like the fool now?  Well you both do.  You for agreeing without knowing what it is or the fact that you are now associated with a hater of puppies and a homophobe.

credit: thisisfyf.com

  • plasters your feed with YouTube song videos and writing how much they love it or that it is their song.
  • accounts their day activity from waking up to what they ate for dinner.
  • posts updates throughout a big sports game which is useful sometimes.  Why turn on the TV when you can get a running commentary from a friend?

credit: omgtehmeme.blogspot.com

  • uploads the newest internet memes such as Lolcats, rickrolling and anything from Failblog.

Love Is A Many-Splendored, Complicated, Inconceivable and Incredible Thing

When thinking about relationships, I sometimes wonder why we do it? Why do we compromise to do things we don’t want to do? Why do we put up with those small annoyances? Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to be single again. No compromises, no fighting and no more time wasted on deciding where to go for dinner. So it makes me think why do we do it?

I was pondering this thought over the weekend when we were deciding what to do for the day. Saturday always screams out shopping, lazing around and maybe some roller skating. Little did I know my speed demon fella Mr James already had plans in his head and tried to convince me into driving out to the desert to a motor bike and kart racing track in order to see what it was like and do something different. I’ve been with him long enough to realize that means ‘I want to go out to the speed track and I have no intention of just checking it out. I want to speed around the track myself even though there is nothing for you to do there.’

So what does any girl do in this situation? Hiss an Okay through your teeth and drag your feet all the way to the car. After a drive into the sandy desert and witnessing a car accident on the way, I slumped into my seat and dreamed about the mall. We arrived at this speed track in the middle of no where and walked around watching go karts zip around the track. Judging by some of the riders and their trucks full of equipment, I realized this is a passion for these people. It only took ten minutes for Mr James to scurry into the pro shop and rent a kart. I glanced out the pro shop window to see the wind picking up as he paid and signed waivers declaring if you break your neck or a tire of the kart flies off, rockets into the bleachers and disfigures your girlfriend, we will not be held responsible. As he prepared to hit the track, I walked around taking pictures and found myself in the middle of a sand storm as the cars sped by and the strong winds increased while the buzzing of the karts filled my ears. I suddenly felt like Hunter S Thompson lost among the Mint 400 chaos.

Courtesy of blu-ray.com

As I scrambled onto the bleachers and waited for the sand to settle, I thought why the hell do I do this? The race ended and Mr James came in first by a long shot. He climbed out of the kart and pridefully strutted over to the bleachers. Nothing at that exact moment could have killed his excitement and happiness he felt as he smiled and gave me a kiss. That’s when it hit me. This is the reason we do it.

No matter how much I don’t get my way or if something is unfair, you do it to make the other person happy. The desert kart sand storm was not my ideal moment but the fact that he had a great day and the happiness he got out of it made me happy. I realize I need to be a little less selfish and a little more selfless. The great thing about this is it goes both ways.

I admit I nag and complain to him on many occasions even though the look on his face means ‘I just came back from a long day at work and you are sounding like a World War II air raid siren.’ I get my way on the weekends and drag him through places he doesn’t want to be and make him try food that he doesn’t want to eat and at the end of the day he must wonder why do I put up with this? Even through money problems, he took me out to dinner and put in the extra hours at work. He worked every day for 10 hours a day for two months to buy me a beautiful engagement ring that any girl would love to wear. His pay off for his hard work? Watching me jump up and down with the happiest smile of my life, ripping it out of the small box, shoving it onto my chubby finger and holding it out to watch it sparkle. He got to make my dream since I was eight come true. That’s why he did it.

He has told me this thought before. He said even though sometimes I irritate him, I am the girl that took care of him during a weekend of food poisoning. The girl that stayed up all night having to endure the horrid sights and sounds, the one that took him to the hospital, and the girl that searched for all the remedies to make him feel better.

You are together for the best of times and you stick together through the bad times. As I sat there with sand in my eyes and him showing me his lap times with excitement, I remember why we do it. You realize they drive me crazy…but I can’t live without them.

Our relationships are the same as those motor bikes and go karts. There will be some wipe outs and tough corners but when you are cruising, it is one hell of a ride. Even though it was not my ideal Saturday, it was worth it…unless that tire did hurdle into the crowd. This would be an entirely different story.

10 Popular Ways To Pose For Facebook Pictures

1. Duck face – Duck face seems to be virally contagious and not in a positive way but more of a bird flu epidemic type of manner.  It also appears that the more you pout your lips, the more attractive you become.  To achieve an admirable duck face, attempt to touch your nose with the top of your lip.  You will be shocked on how you have transformed into one quackin beauty!

courtesy of sodahead.com

2. Jumping – Jumping in a picture is like upgrading a smile.  They are usually taken on beaches or infront of famous monuments or buildings.  It roughly translates to ‘I am just so excited to be at the edge of a cliff, can’t you tell?’

3. Middle Finger– Giving the middle finger seems to be a popular trend in order to portray the idea that, like the honey badger, you just don’t care.  While it is more appropriate to be used on the road, youngsters seem to be flipping the bird all over Facebook.  When I see a young teenage girl giving the middle finger in a Facebook picture, of course the first thing that pops into my mind is ‘Oh my days I would not want to mess with that crazy animal!”  Just keep believing it makes you look cool…very cool.

4. Photoshop overboard – Many individuals like to get artsy and go nutty with the color and contrast.  It can look nice at times but when taken to the extreme,  the only thing visible is eyebrows, a Voldemort nose, floating eyes and a semblance of hair.  It is a good method to cover any imperfections or if you are like me it helps to hide double chins.

5. Bunny Ears – Whenever I see a picture of someone making bunny ears, I automatically think ‘wow where did that person go because now I just see a bunny.’  You do realize if bunnies could talk, they would not be happy.

6. Lead Head – This is popular trend among young women.  To achieve lead head, you pretend your head is full of lead and lean it to the side.  In order to help with the weight, you put your hand on your hip and try to rest your head on your shoulder.  Ooooh you so haaawt now! 😉

7. Shirt Grab– I have heard this is supposed to make you look cooler than comprehension but in all honesty it looks like you are airing out your B.O.

8. Gang Signs -You have ten fingers so the variety of gang signs out there is a creative space for us all.  Out of all the gang signs I see on Facebook, 99% of them make no sense or have any relation to any organization or actual gang.  It is turning into a form of expressive art so keep going with those Unicorn hands youngsters!

9. Bathroom shot – There is nothing beautiful about a bathroom so please stop posing in them.  A hot pose with a toilet in the background doesn’t add up.

10. Peace sign – Yes, thank you.  We all know that you like peace because you flash it in a photo.  Of course the rest of us hate peace and wish for evil and violence to conquer the world.  But thank you again for reminding us that we should like peace…or that we should still like the Spice Girls.

Courtesy of forevertwentysomethings.com

%d bloggers like this: